Rat
today i achieved the consciousness of a rat.

as i moved through my existence making turn upon turn i had a moment of enlightenment. i stopped dead in my tracks and realized that i had forgotten just what it was that i was looking for. i had become so immersed in the journey that i forgot exactly what it was that i was searching for. try as i might i could not recall so again i set upon my task negotiating the twists and turns of existence, then it occurred to me that it was not i making the turns by my will, but outside forces were guiding me or impeding me, keeping something just from my reach. again i could not remember what it was that i had originally set out for, but in a moment i looked not in front of myself down my path but in a third dimension and i saw myself. not a true copy, but a swimming distorted version of my twin that turned as i did but a through a film of water or oil. as i moved it moved and i realized that this was not an individual but perhaps a reflection of my own existence. it too like me was negotiating this grand maze trying in vain to reach an unknown goal. i tried to move in this new dimension to perhaps communicate with myself hoping that i may remember the initial task with no success, and like that the vision was gone.

at that moment i realized that there was no goal, no objective, that in fact the journey was the thing that i was here for and sadly it was no longer my journey. i looked again in this new third dimension and this time i was able to see even beyond my twin self and i saw what i believe were two great eyes studying my actions influencing my direction. a god ? a demon ? and in the moment of highest enlightenment i thought they might be my own eyes staring at myself, influencing my next turn and twist. with that it was gone and i am left to wonder as a rat, just what are those visions in the impossible dimension...

...and why are they watching me?
copyright © 1999 Joel (the seer)

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